Category Archives: Texas

The Best Gun Commercial Ever

Without fail, almost every time someone in Canada found out I was from Texas, they asked me the same thing: whether I owned a gun. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised since Texas is forever being portrayed as the wild west where everyone rides around on their horse wearing spurs and carrying their AK-47.

Someone in Toronto actually asked me if I was scared to walk around outside in Houston. I think my mouth may have dropped open from the absurdity. This may come as a surprise, but nothing could be further from the truth. Houston is the fourth largest city in the States with a population about the same as Toronto (~4M). We drive cars (mostly big giant ones because we have tons of space), work in concrete skyscrapers and live in air-conditioned pods nine months a year.

While we may not ride horses to work, we do have liberal gun laws. In Texas, you can own a gun (as long as you have a license for it) and use it if someone comes onto your property. We can also carry concealed handguns in Texas (as long as you have completed a Concealed Handgun License (CHL) course and have a license to conceal carry). I’ve never been a big fan of guns. I grew up in suburgatory where we were one step away from Stepford and the only gun my dad had was a .22 rifle he used to shoot the squirrels that would occasionally run on top of our roof. Guns were just foreign to me.

Do I believe private citizens should have the right to own an Oozie or some other insane sawed-off semi-automatic weapon? No. But does our Constitution give us the right to bear arms if, in fact, we want to own one? Yes. Yes, it does. So when I moved back to Texas, though, I decided that I have a right to own a gun, and wanted to learn to properly handle and shoot one. I started going to the gun range with some friends (side note: let me just say that the gun range may or may not be the new place to meet very hot guys shooting their guns. Just sayin. Ahem.) and found out that I was actually a pretty good shot. And because I’m never one to sit back on her laurels, I decided that I was going to get my CHL just in case I ever needed to carry a gun outside my house. So I applied with the State of Texas and now just have to practice shooting more and take the CHL course.

Not surprisingly, there are a ton of places in Texas to get your CHL. It’s a ten-hour course (eight hours of class and two hours of shooting to prove you’re proficient) and is only about $100. Seems pretty low key, right? Wrong. At least at Crockett Keller’s in central Texas.

Mr. Keller recently caused a bit of a fuss over his newly-recorded commercial touting his CHL course. It’s a short 1-minute radio spot that I’ve put here for your listening pleasure.

I know, right? The best part is that this spot was totally fo realz — seriously, who could make this up?! I’ll have Mr. Keller know that I voted for the current “invader-in-chief” as he so eloquently put it, but I’m pretty sure that, after sizing me and my blonde self up, he’d teach me the course. Some of it may be to incite people and get ’em talking, which he most certainly did. But no one — not even me — should be surprised when someone in Toronto asks them if they’re scared to walk around outside, what with quacks like the Crockett Keller’s of the world.

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Third Time’s A Charm

It’s been so long since I’ve visited my blog that I literally had to get out my commercial-grade Dyson dust buster to clear off the six inches of dust and 739 cobwebs that had accumulated on my site. I had completely forgotten my password and had to dig deep into my php files to find it which, by the way, I never, ever recommend anyone attempting. I’m actually surprised I lived to tell about that particular experience. Just like your grandma’s attic, though, the dust has been officially blown off of this bad boy all in honor of National Blog Posting Month!

I tried participating in #nablopomo last year and fell off the wagon after a mere three days. Then I got the crazy idea to blog about Texas, but I didn’t do any traveling around Texas and, ergo, had nothing to blog about. I’m keenly aware that this, my third attempt at reviving my blog, falls clearly into the “stop crying wolf” category, but because blog readers can be so demanding and because I continue getting comments like “I really miss your blog” or “your really have mad blog posting skillz” or “what the hell are you doing these days” or “dear god, please blog again, woman!”, and because, honestly, I miss it here, I’m going to give this the old college try again. 

I may not make it all the way through, but I promise you this: I’m going to do my very best to make this blog less about blogging and more about being seriously RAD!  So cue the trumpets and confetti tossing because I’m back…well, for 30 days anyway.You’re welcome. 🙂

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It Really Is Like A Whole Other Country

For once, I’m changing subjects*. Instead of talking about how passionately in love I am with Toronto, I’m going to do a little educating about the beauty of my home state; yeah, you know the one — the Great State of Texas!

As I’ve lamented time and time again, Texas doesn’t really have seasons like other parts of North America. The beginning of Spring in Texas, though, marks a change in season unlike any other; the arrival of Spring brings some of the prettiest bursts of color you’ll see anywhere in the world.

Between March and May, the interstates in central Texas turn into virtual seas of blues and reds with an abundance of blooming Texas Bluebonnets (the state flower), Indian Paintbrushes, and Indian Blankets. Bluebonnets are so legendary in Texas, that, other than the Alamo and deer hunting, the thing you absolutely cannot miss is driving the Bluebonnet Trail through central Texas. In fact, it is a right of passage in Texas to take a “Sunday drive” through the Texas Hill Country to have your picture taken lying in an ocean of blue. I would post some of the photos of me doing just that, but the last time I went on this type of road trip was well before the earth cooled, by which I mean there is no digital proof**. Ahem.

The bluebonnet became the state flower of Texas in 1901. It wasn’t until Lady Bird Johnson returned to Texas from Washington DC, though, that the government of the State of Texas was persuaded to seed bluebonnets along highways throughout the state. The notion that she’s responsible for the gorgeousness along our highways was so ingrained in us in school, that when I see bluebonnets, I think of Lady Bird to this day. It was also ingrained in us that it is illegal to pick a bluebonnet lest you spend a year of your life in jail for wanting some color*** in your house. Alas, that is apparently NOT true according to Wikipedia, and I know Wikipedia would never, ever lie about something like this. The moral of the story is to pick away, but just don’t park your Ford F-90,000 illegally on the highway because THAT will get you thrown in jail, flowers in tow.

I’m going home for a special someone’s special birthday in a couple of weeks and I hope I get to feast my eyes on the loveliness that are Texas Bluebonnets, for as much as I love Toronto, there’s nothing like driving down a Texas highway and seeing miles and miles and miles of blue.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, I’m adding a few more photos^, so you can read, weep, and book your ticket to Texas faster than you can say “bluebonnet”. 🙂

* Don’t get used to it. I’m just homesick. 😦
** Just physical proof. As in actual photos, which is likely crammed inside some box in my parents’ attic.
*** Yes, I’m spelling it the American way. Because this is an article about Texas. Also, see bullet one above.
^ Photos are courtesy of a friend of my family’s, who doesn’t need to be named, but knows who she is.

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